Great Paraprosdokians, Batman!

I saw this thread on Reddit and thought I’d make a list of my favourite Paraprosdokian expressions.

  • “If we hit that bullseye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards.”
  • “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
  • “I’ll burn that bridge when I get to it.”

  • “It’s all just water under the fridge”

  • “It isn’t rocket surgery”

  • “That train has sailed.”

  • “If I wanted your opinion, I’d give it to you.”

  • “Who do you think I am, Alfred Einstein?”

  • “If I gave a shit, you’d be the first person I’d give it to.”

  • “Whatever doesn’t kill you just postpones the inevitable.”

  • “Don’t put all your chickens in one biscuit.”

  • “power corrupts, Powerpoint corrupts absolutely.”

  • “Most accidents happen in the household. And most households happen through accidents.”

  • “Rome wasn’t built in a day, but it burned in one.”

  • “People who sit on glass toilets shouldn’t shit bricks.”

  • “Well, onward and awkward.”

  • “I resemble that remark!”

  • “Don’t jump to contusions.”

  • “Now the tide has turned the table onto the other foot.”

  • “He passed with flyin’ fucking carpets.”

  • Mock my words!