I saw this thread on Reddit and thought I'd make a list of my favourite Paraprosdokian expressions.

• "If we hit that bullseye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards."
• "I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong."
• "I'll burn that bridge when I get to it."
• "It's all just water under the fridge"
• "It isn't rocket surgery"
• "That train has sailed."
• "If I wanted your opinion, I'd give it to you."
• "Who do you think I am, Alfred Einstein?"
• "If I gave a shit, you'd be the first person I'd give it to."
• "Whatever doesn't kill you just postpones the inevitable."
• "Don't put all your chickens in one biscuit."
• "power corrupts, Powerpoint corrupts absolutely."
• "Most accidents happen in the household. And most households happen through accidents."
• "Rome wasn't built in a day, but it burned in one."
• "People who sit on glass toilets shouldn't shit bricks."
• "Well, onward and awkward."
• "I resemble that remark!"
• "Don't jump to contusions."
• "Now the tide has turned the table onto the other foot."
• "He passed with flyin' fucking carpets."
• Mock my words!